Clearing Out My Space

I started this month by cleaning out my closet and giving to charity while consciously affirming that I clean the closets of my mind n life.
I decided to go through every piece of clothing I own and ask myself whether I really need it. It’s something I learnt from Louise Hay. She said in one of her many books that if you don’t remember the last time you wore it, then you don’t need it. Give it away to someone who will use it. I have clothes I have held on to since years, either because it has a special memory attached to it, or because someday I will fit back into them again, or just because! She also says that we keep stuff for the ‘someday’ in our life’s, because of a fear that we won’t be capable of buying it then. A fear of lack or a fear of not having enough.

So I began, consciously repeating the affirmation with every piece that I put aside; I clear the closets of my mind and life. I didn’t do it all at once either. Getting rid of things is not very easy for me. I get attached to things I love, and I have realized to people I love too. So I went about it gently, a shelf at a time until I managed to put together two whole bags of clothes. It took me a couple of days to actually go downstairs and put the bags into the charity box, finally getting them out of my space. Letting go is not so easy for some of us!

Strangely this act brought about changes in my life. I suddenly started noticing space develop. Whether it was with my time or my thoughts or in my circle of people.

People I have not been in touch with but mean a lot to me suddenly got in touch with messages of love. I also noticed people leaving my life without any efforts from my side. They either walked away without a word as if the relationship never existed, or got a wrong signal and decided they don’t want to have anything to do with me or in other cases, some truths surfaced out of thin air making me decide to end certain relationships. I made no effort in explaining myself or trying to save any of these relationships. Whilst I had many questions on why people were suddenly moving away, on some level I was relieved to end these. In cases where the truth surfaced after decades of friendship, I didn’t just walk away or keep hush about it like I normally would; instead I clearly announced to them the end and walked away peacefully.

Strangely while this is happening in my life, a dear friend has also been witnessing a clearing of toxins. While mine has been more subtle, hers has been extremely clear and surprising.

It can be a little uncomfortable not knowing who I might lose but I am learning to trust life on removing toxic relationships out of my space. Whilst saying that, I did face a few hiccups with people I am extremely close to, which did get me worried about what the hell is happening. But when something feels right, it can’t be wrong so I tried and tried until I found the problem causing the hiccups, and then swallowed my pride and apologized. It doesn’t matter who is wrong or right when you truly care for someone, it only matters that you mend a broken heart that you might have unintentionally broken.  

So the lesson learnt is to keep the clothes I really love, even though I might not have worn it forever. I will keep them not out of fear, but only out of love and I will probably make an effort to wear them again.

And in the same way, while I allow my life to clear out and make space, I will work hard to keep certain people in my life, not because of a fear of being alone, but out of true love for them.