Adios 2015...

Another year comes to an end,

How did I do, how much did I make and how much did i spend?

I ain't talking about money, I'm talking about love!

When faced with a challenge did I rise above?

Its been a learning, this whole year for me.

A year of travelling, discovering and setting myself free.

Free from expectations of behaving the certain acceptable way.

Learning that some people leave even when u want them to stay.

That even a light wind can cause some bonds to break.

Whilst some bonds get stronger with the strongest earthquake.

I've learnt that it is magical, the power of prayer.

I've also learnt that life and people sometimes can be unfair.

Through it all I've learnt that when I feel love, I shouldn't wait to let it show.

But I still have to learn the art of letting go.

It was a year where a few of my friends had a gorgeous find,

Its called love, the forever kind.

It was a year that I traveled to the other side of the world all alone,

That's when i realized how much i have grown.

It was the year that i faced my health issues n fears,

And i touched and played with snow after so many years.

It wasn't the year of 'I am right and you are wrong',

But the year that clearly showed me that every heart sings its very own song.

A year when i decided, whether its new friends or old.

Through their battles, their hand i will hold.

Coz all my life, when i faced times that got me scared,

There were always people around me that showed me they cared.

I guess that's what matters most as I grow older..

To laugh with you and when need arises, to lend you my shoulder...

So as the end of 2015 gets near,

I wish you all a happy and peaceful new year!

My first solo trip.

My trip has almost come to its end. While i sit at the airport sipping on a cup of coffee and ready for my 9hour flight to Doha, i cant help but reminisce so many moments from the past week.
Travelling alone was the essence of this trip and i am glad i chose Bali as the destination. From the culture, to their unique version of Hinduism, to the smiling and welcoming faces, to the fantastic food n shopping n beaches... It was all in all a perfect holiday.
Realization of what i have gained will only dawn on me later on when im back in the comfort of my home...as of now the things i have clearly learnt are letting go of alot of inhibitions that i didnt even know existed, allowing myself to just be, releasing the need for company, realizing that my own company is an absolute pleasure.
I spent quality time with myself...from time on the beach, to exploring new streets n areas, to massages and romantic lunches n dinners for one. I met so many wonderful travellers from different parts of the world, so friendly and chatty making every interaction memorable.
I learnt that people of iran feel exotic in Bali, which was so fascinating. The aussies and indonesians were so excited to meet a rare breed like myself and had so much to chat about.
I also learnt that travellers r the most wonderful people to have a conversation with, from their open mindedness to their perspective on life.
I am happy. Happy that i am going back to where home is, to my family, to where my roots r, where my friends and sense of belonging is. Happy that this beautiful holiday has added its essense to my life. Happy that God n my angels protected me and made sure everything went smoothly all thro out. Im just happy.
Thank you Bali for all the love! I intend to come back ... If life allows it...
For the rest of you, travel alone atleast once in your life...and fall in love...with yourself and with life. 💗
See yall in Dubai soon inshallah!

Bajrangi Bhaijaan

10 of us, 6 nationalities, atleast 4 belief backgrounds but one common feeling when we got out of the movie hall...'this was an amazing movie!'

A movie with a message of oneness. It tells a tale that goes beyond caste n creed and all the differences that our limited minds put forth. 
A tale of an innocent naive devotee who is trying to help a lost child find her home. Facing dead ends, he starts a journey based on pure faith and finds both good and bad people along the way. 

On the way he discovers n shows each and every one of us that people everywhere are ultimately all the same. 
Beliefs and labels are just on the surface and once you get past that and dig a little deeper, love is what we all are made up of. 

The movie does not let you look at your phones or move your eyes from the screen even once. You are either laughing hysterically, shedding a tear or two or simply smiling through out. And this was the case for the 3 friends who were watching the movie through subtitles.
Salman's acting, (yes you heard me right) is at its best. The storyline and direction keeps you engaged from start to end. The little girl wins your heart in every scene. Each and every character is rightly played n fits perfectly in the story. 

For me, this was the best movie of the year. It struck every cord inside of me.
So i generously give it 6 stars out of 5!

Salman khan you are pure heart! 

So who's joining me for round 2? :)

#salmankhan #bajrangibhaijaan #onelove #oneworld #bollywood 

Clearing Out My Space

I started this month by cleaning out my closet and giving to charity while consciously affirming that I clean the closets of my mind n life.
I decided to go through every piece of clothing I own and ask myself whether I really need it. It’s something I learnt from Louise Hay. She said in one of her many books that if you don’t remember the last time you wore it, then you don’t need it. Give it away to someone who will use it. I have clothes I have held on to since years, either because it has a special memory attached to it, or because someday I will fit back into them again, or just because! She also says that we keep stuff for the ‘someday’ in our life’s, because of a fear that we won’t be capable of buying it then. A fear of lack or a fear of not having enough.

So I began, consciously repeating the affirmation with every piece that I put aside; I clear the closets of my mind and life. I didn’t do it all at once either. Getting rid of things is not very easy for me. I get attached to things I love, and I have realized to people I love too. So I went about it gently, a shelf at a time until I managed to put together two whole bags of clothes. It took me a couple of days to actually go downstairs and put the bags into the charity box, finally getting them out of my space. Letting go is not so easy for some of us!

Strangely this act brought about changes in my life. I suddenly started noticing space develop. Whether it was with my time or my thoughts or in my circle of people.

People I have not been in touch with but mean a lot to me suddenly got in touch with messages of love. I also noticed people leaving my life without any efforts from my side. They either walked away without a word as if the relationship never existed, or got a wrong signal and decided they don’t want to have anything to do with me or in other cases, some truths surfaced out of thin air making me decide to end certain relationships. I made no effort in explaining myself or trying to save any of these relationships. Whilst I had many questions on why people were suddenly moving away, on some level I was relieved to end these. In cases where the truth surfaced after decades of friendship, I didn’t just walk away or keep hush about it like I normally would; instead I clearly announced to them the end and walked away peacefully.

Strangely while this is happening in my life, a dear friend has also been witnessing a clearing of toxins. While mine has been more subtle, hers has been extremely clear and surprising.

It can be a little uncomfortable not knowing who I might lose but I am learning to trust life on removing toxic relationships out of my space. Whilst saying that, I did face a few hiccups with people I am extremely close to, which did get me worried about what the hell is happening. But when something feels right, it can’t be wrong so I tried and tried until I found the problem causing the hiccups, and then swallowed my pride and apologized. It doesn’t matter who is wrong or right when you truly care for someone, it only matters that you mend a broken heart that you might have unintentionally broken.  

So the lesson learnt is to keep the clothes I really love, even though I might not have worn it forever. I will keep them not out of fear, but only out of love and I will probably make an effort to wear them again.

And in the same way, while I allow my life to clear out and make space, I will work hard to keep certain people in my life, not because of a fear of being alone, but out of true love for them.  

To Commit or Not to Commit (Love, marriage and the whole bandwagon)

Shudh Desi Romance – The movie was about a commitment phobic boy who meets a commitment phobic girl on his wedding day, makes out with her, and when he meets his bride, he realizes he is no way ready for a life time commitment, so he decides to run off.

The two, who have just met, fall in love, live together, and after a drunken night decide to get married coz that’s just what you do after you are in love. This time, karma might have had a role to play, and the girl decides to be a runaway bride. The running off goes on, until they finally realize marriage just isn't for them, and they live happily ever after.

One thing I can tell you for sure is that if you go in a group to watch this movie, you will come out with more than one point of view, and can go on with debates and discussions for hours to come.

I watched this movie, with a young, happily married couple and a single man who doesn’t have any intentions of marriage. We came out with so much to talk about. Is it right, is it wrong, why is such lifestyle being promoted, maybe it’s just showing the truth etc.

I for one, connected with a lot in this movie. Honestly, I didn’t know I had fears of commitment before watching it. That explains to me why I have been attracting commitment phobic men in my life. I have been attracting people of the same energy body as myself…and while I want to commit and be a bride (really! I do), I guess I have fears on a deeper, subconscious level.

I agree with the characters of the movie. Just because you love each other and life is beautiful together, is not reason to get married. Why does marriage have to follow love? Can’t two people just live together, and be happy. Isn't marriage an outdated concept? Do you really need to sign the dotted line to prove that you love your partner? Honestly, other than a legal child, I don’t see reasons to get married. A commitment is a commitment. If you love someone, a wedding ring, or a piece of paper are not necessary. If you need that as proof that you are committed, doesn't that prove lack of trust?

My married friend did not agree with me obviously. I can’t say he is wrong either. It is true that marriage is where you truly learn commitment, where you learn adjustment, where you put your love to test.

But my question is, what if your love fails that test, what happens then? You can’t just walk out anymore can you? Now you have to go through all the legalities and then get labeled, stamped, titled a divorcee. So why go through all that. I don’t think it would be so difficult and painful if they were in a live in relationship instead of a marriage. Of course the pain of separation would be there, but when the word divorce is not used, the world does not add to your pains. You don’t have to pretend to be strong. People are kind to you after a breakup, but feel sorry for you after a divorce. No one wants pity.  A lot of people I know will not commit to someone who is a divorcee; because they believe something is wrong with them. Perceptions, yes! But a divorcee has to live with it. Those same people will commit without a hiccup, to a partner who has had numerous break ups. (Perceptions, unfortunately!)

My married friend’s take on this? Well you don’t walk out. You work on fixing it, and if you can’t, then family and friends counsel you and convince you to give it another shot.

But are you happy together? I mean after giving it a few shots, are you not just staying together because it’s difficult to walk out? Because of the idea and belief that a commitment is more important that your personal happiness?

Obviously, I think I am right, and my friend is wrong, so I went back home to get the opinion of my wise old man. What did he have to say? Well he did agree that the concept of marriage doesn't make sense, but he also told me that marriage isn't as dreadful as I make it sound.

People get married for the wrong reasons, he said. What is believed to be love, is merely an attraction, that ends the moment the honeymoon period (undefined) is over, and then its two egos that have to live under the same roof. Before it was just the man with the enormous ego, while today, a woman has an ego just as big. Find the right reason for marriage and it will last, you will make it last. Find an understanding with your partner, a common ground, and recognize that you both are two individuals growing. Help in each other’s growth. We were made in pairs, and we need each other to grow as spiritual beings.

Interestingly it made sense. But it is all theory, isn't it. Some of my closest friends are divorcees, and some on the verge of it, learning to live under the worst circumstances just to avoid the title. Does that mean they didn't find an understanding or a common ground before getting into a marriage? Was it all worth it? Even if they did find that understanding, what if the marriage had an expiry date? No one said marriage is forever right? And then the D word comes into effect, breaking a person down completely. The strongest people I know have taken time to get back on their feet. Most have not learnt to trust again, while very few have finally found peace and love with another.

Doesn't it make sense to live in together and only get married when you are sure? There are many live in relationships that end up into marriage after years of being together. I guess that’s when they are sure. Ok, I know you now, and I know all your flaws and still want to live with you for the rest of my life. At least I am not in for any surprises.

I want to walk down the aisle in my white gown, towards a man I want to live my life with, but Oh the dilemma! You meet a dude, fall in love, and in a couple of months, decide on a wedding venue and one fine day you wake up next to a monster and wonder how you ended up here!

14/09/2013

A letter to Heaven

Dear Mamali,

When your anniversary gets close, I feel like writing about you but this time I felt like writing to you.
It's 10years since you left, and if you were off to some far away land to study or work, I'm sure i would have written to you often. Ironically you are off to a far away land, some call hereafter n some call heaven, and you are probably studying or doing something you find utmost pleasure in, so why haven't I written to you in 10 years? Maybe my mind couldn't comprehend writing a letter to someone who's address I didn't have. Well the mind can't comprehend a lot of things, but that doesn't mean those things aren't possible. So I decided to listen to my heart and write to you. Knowing you as well as i do, you already have access to my facebook and blog. :)

So whats up with u big guy? Do you miss us like we miss you? Whats it like there? Do you miss it here? Do you get to visit? What are your new friends like?

We are all well here. Mom n dad are good and remember you everyday. They have grown beautifully in the last 10 years.
Dad has transformed into a kind, compassionate, gentle young man and seeing this transformation has been a pleasure for me. Him and I talk for hours like you and I used to. I remember, shortly after you left, he told me that he knew i had lost my best friend and vowed to be my new best friend. Hats off! He kept his promise. His health is on n off but we are focusing on taking care of that too. Send him your love. I think some times he forgets how much you love him and that the little frictions between a father n son get dissolved by the love they share.

Mom is the champ that she always was. The last one year, she wakes up at dawn n goes for yoga with a new bunch of positive people in her life. Shes very excited about this new activity in her life and i am excited for her. She still spreads happiness where ever she goes and is a lot of fun. I play with her nonstop. I remember this was your favorite pass-time. I trouble her a lot too. I hide behind walls n scare her and its hilarious because she falls for it each time. Or tickling her until she screams. That's a complete stress-buster.

N me, i am well. Life is good. I had a few ups n downs but all is well now. Honestly i was a bit upset with you for leaving. In a way I guess I couldn't let you go, or couldn't accept that you were gone and since I couldn't really blame anyone else, I was angry at you. But not anymore. I am happy for you now. You have moved to a better place. Your real home. You know that I talk to you when times are tough and you always show me answers like you did when you were here. I think I am older than you only in age, but your soul is definitely older n wiser than me.
Work is alright but i don't plan to stay here for long. Lets just say I'm looking at this as a stepping stone for something i will enjoy more. Over all, I can tell you that I have found my happy place. :)

A decade sounds like a very long time but honestly some of your memories are so vivid, it doesn't feel so long ago. I hope they stay with me forever. They give me a sense of comfort, a sense of love, a sense of safety and of home.

If I want to write to you about the past decade, it might take an entire year and I'd still not be done. Something tells me, you are well aware of our last ten years so I won't blabber much. Especially since you were not a big fan of reading.

So I'll end my first letter by wishing you a happy 10th anniversary in your new world my sweet one. It was an honor to have spent 19years of my life with you. Those moments will be cherished for life and no person can ever fill your void.

You be happy n be love up there, that is how you always were. I will try n be the same down here. Lets celebrate your 10th heavenly birthday together.

I love you more than words can express!

Your sister and best buddy forever n ever,

Eyam :)