Shudh Desi Romance – The movie was about a commitment phobic boy
who meets a commitment phobic girl on his wedding day, makes out with her, and
when he meets his bride, he realizes he is no way ready for a life time
commitment, so he decides to run off.
The two, who have just met, fall in love, live together, and
after a drunken night decide to get married coz that’s just what you do after
you are in love. This time, karma might have had a role to play, and the girl
decides to be a runaway bride. The running off goes on, until they finally
realize marriage just isn't for them, and they live happily ever after.
One thing I can tell you for sure is that if you go in a group
to watch this movie, you will come out with more than one point of view, and
can go on with debates and discussions for hours to come.
I watched this movie, with a young, happily married couple and a
single man who doesn’t have any intentions of marriage. We came out with so much
to talk about. Is it right, is it wrong, why is such lifestyle being promoted,
maybe it’s just showing the truth etc.
I for one, connected with a lot in this movie. Honestly, I
didn’t know I had fears of commitment before watching it. That explains to me
why I have been attracting commitment phobic men in my life. I have been
attracting people of the same energy body as myself…and while I want to commit
and be a bride (really! I do), I guess I have fears on a deeper, subconscious
level.
I agree with the characters of the movie. Just because you love
each other and life is beautiful together, is not reason to get married. Why
does marriage have to follow love? Can’t two people just live together, and be
happy. Isn't marriage an outdated concept? Do you really need to sign the
dotted line to prove that you love your partner? Honestly, other than a legal
child, I don’t see reasons to get married. A commitment is a commitment. If you
love someone, a wedding ring, or a piece of paper are not necessary. If you
need that as proof that you are committed, doesn't that prove lack of trust?
My married friend did not agree with me obviously. I can’t say
he is wrong either. It is true that marriage is where you truly learn
commitment, where you learn adjustment, where you put your love to test.
But my question is, what if your love fails that test, what
happens then? You can’t just walk out anymore can you? Now you have to go
through all the legalities and then get labeled, stamped, titled a divorcee. So
why go through all that. I don’t think it would be so difficult and painful if
they were in a live in relationship instead of a marriage. Of course the pain
of separation would be there, but when the word divorce is not used, the world
does not add to your pains. You don’t have to pretend to be strong. People are
kind to you after a breakup, but feel sorry for you after a divorce. No one
wants pity. A lot of people I know will not commit to someone who is a
divorcee; because they believe something is wrong with them. Perceptions, yes!
But a divorcee has to live with it. Those same people will commit without a
hiccup, to a partner who has had numerous break ups. (Perceptions,
unfortunately!)
My married friend’s take on this? Well you don’t walk out. You
work on fixing it, and if you can’t, then family and friends counsel you and
convince you to give it another shot.
But are you happy together? I mean after giving it a few shots,
are you not just staying together because it’s difficult to walk out? Because
of the idea and belief that a commitment is more important that your personal
happiness?
Obviously, I think I am right, and my friend is wrong, so I went
back home to get the opinion of my wise old man. What did he have to say? Well
he did agree that the concept of marriage doesn't make sense, but he also told
me that marriage isn't as dreadful as I make it sound.
People get married for the wrong reasons, he said. What is
believed to be love, is merely an attraction, that ends the moment the
honeymoon period (undefined) is over, and then its two egos that have to live
under the same roof. Before it was just the man with the enormous ego, while
today, a woman has an ego just as big. Find the right reason for marriage and
it will last, you will make it last. Find an understanding with your partner, a
common ground, and recognize that you both are two individuals growing. Help in
each other’s growth. We were made in pairs, and we need each other to grow as
spiritual beings.
Interestingly it made sense. But it is all theory, isn't it.
Some of my closest friends are divorcees, and some on the verge of it, learning
to live under the worst circumstances just to avoid the title. Does that mean
they didn't find an understanding or a common ground before getting into a marriage?
Was it all worth it? Even if they did find that understanding, what if the
marriage had an expiry date? No one said marriage is forever right? And then
the D word comes into effect, breaking a person down completely. The strongest
people I know have taken time to get back on their feet. Most have not learnt
to trust again, while very few have finally found peace and love with another.
Doesn't it make sense to live in together and only get married
when you are sure? There are many live in relationships that end up into
marriage after years of being together. I guess that’s when they are sure. Ok,
I know you now, and I know all your flaws and still want to live with you for
the rest of my life. At least I am not in for any surprises.
I want to walk down the aisle in my white gown, towards a man I
want to live my life with, but Oh the dilemma! You meet a dude, fall in love,
and in a couple of months, decide on a wedding venue and one fine day you wake
up next to a monster and wonder how you ended up here!
14/09/2013
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